drywall, drywall everywhere, and not a spot to think

There are certain inevitabilities when it comes to renovating a house.

I have discovered a few...and will share them.

Tools have legs. They must, because it seems like any time a tool is put down, it runs away and will be found twenty minutes later in a location you and everyone else has not worked in yet. I haven't seen their legs (unless you count the sawhorse, but we aren't using one of those yet) and have no proof, but I'm convinced tools have legs.

Anything that is connected to anything near electrical wiring will undoubtedly have a slotted screw. Not a Phillips or Robertson...no, no, no...that would be too easy. A slotted screw will hold every wall plate, every switch, and every socket. And don't forget the connections. And of course, every slotted screw will be damaged in some way or filled with paint.

The moment you have a sheet of drywall in place, perfectly level and ready to attach, the screwdriver will either be:
  1. unplugged
  2. in need of a recharge
  3. nowhere near where your hand is
  4. ready, but without a single screw in sight
  5. running down the hall on its little legs
Knives with a safety will never come undone when laying on a sheet of drywall, but the safety will always let go the moment the knife is in your pocket. Better to put that knife in your back pocket than your front pocket, guys.

The one perfect place in the house with 16" centres will always, always, have one beam that is warped outward. And you won't notice it until you're driving in the screws on the ends of the sheet.

The one place you need to place a 2x4 in order to provide a place to hold drywall will always be between two studs that are way too close together, making it difficult to hammer that 2x4 into place.

There will almost always be one plug or switch in a room that is upside down. And there will also be too many wires going into one box and not enough going into the others.

You can have all the technology in the world, like a studsensor and a laser line, and still miss the stud completely. You can mark the ceiling and floor with an X and place a line between them and still miss the stud completely. Next house I build, I'm using transparent drywall.

When drywalling a room, the moment you get the doors done, it is nearly impossible to move any full sheets of drywall into the room without damaging the new sheet or the work you have just done.

Just when you think you've removed all of the nails and staples from a wall and are prepared to put up a new sheet of drywall, you will spot a nail or staple that has been hiding all this time. Or maybe the nails and staples have legs and run up the walls to drive me crazy.

Floors that are warped downward on one side of a wall will slope upward on the other side of the wall. Which makes it difficult to jack up the one side and put in a post without causing the other side to become a ride at Wonderland.

In any box of drywall screws, no matter the size, there will be at least one that is bent so far out of shape you'd think it was made at a pretzel factory, or one with no slot for the screwdriver to fit in. Hopefully, the ones without a slot will run up the walls and put themselves in.

And last, but certainly not least...just when you have the toilet you want and get it home, you will discover that the tank has different mounting holes than the bowl...although this didn't happen to me, it could have. And it could happen to you...

Comments

Anonymous said…
Feelings of commiserations! I, too, have had these same events! Roving tools; Transported papers; Wondering pens and pencils... all have plagued this long and eventful life. I repeat "eventful" for without these happenings everything would be good, even and dull and boring as Hell! Please God! keep me from the boring; however, please, keep the hammer at arms reach.

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